How to Improve Your Relationship as a New Parent
The demands of caring for a newborn and all of the stressors and changes that brings can negatively impact relationship satisfaction. With ⅔ of couples reportedly impacted, learning how to shore up your relationship so that you can approach this life transition from a place of strength and togetherness will make a huge difference.
I want to teach you some of the key strategies that we teach the couples who come to us for support:
1. Create Intentional Time Together (however brief)
Having a baby often leaves little room for quality couple time, which can create distance between partners. One way to reconnect is to create intentional time together, even in small doses. Whether it’s a few minutes over coffee in the morning or a cozy movie night after the baby is asleep, prioritizing each other helps keep your bond strong. These small moments of connection remind each of you that, despite the new responsibilities, you’re still a team.
2. Shifting Your Mindset: Empathy and Understanding
In times of stress, it’s easy to become frustrated with each other. Especially as your roles in the home are likely more different than they were before the baby arrived, it’s easy for resentment to build. One powerful tool to strengthen your relationship is to imagine what your partner might be experiencing — and try to offer the most generous interpretation. For example, if your partner seems distant or less engaged, consider that they might be feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or unsure of themselves as a new parent. By choosing to interpret their actions in the most understanding way possible, you can avoid hurt feelings and stay connected through compassion. You then communicate to them from that place of softness and compassion. When you can approach them from that place of openness and empathy, it will likely impact how you choose to communicate with them, so that they feel understood instead of attacked and don’t feel the need to become defensive in return.
3. Communicating with Softness and Vulnerability
Post-baby stress can sometimes lead to tension in conversations. Practicing “soft” communication can create an atmosphere of kindness and reduce defensive reactions. When talking about your needs, try to speak from a place of vulnerability and avoid using “all” or “never” statements, like “You never help with the baby,” or “You’re always busy.” Instead, reframe with “I” statements, such as “I’m feeling overwhelmed and could use some extra support.” Adjusting your tone and word choice can make it easier for your partner to respond with empathy.
4. Couples Therapy is Not Just for Couples on the Verge of Separation or Crisis
Couples therapy can be a lifesaver, especially in the postpartum period. Seeking therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is broken; it’s a proactive step many happy couples take to understand each other better. A therapist can help both partners navigate new parenting challenges, learn healthier ways to communicate, and even prevent resentment from building up. Normalizing couples therapy is essential, as it shows you’re committed to making your relationship a safe, supportive environment for you and your baby.
Closing Thoughts: Navigating Parenthood Together
The postpartum period can be both joyful and trying. Between adjusting to new roles and handling sleep deprivation, it’s normal for couples to experience tension. But with intentional time together, empathetic communication, and the willingness to seek support if needed, you can protect your relationship and build a solid foundation for your family’s future.
*This information is not therapeutic advice and is the opinion of these authors and is not in lieu of mental health support from a licensed clinician in your area. If you are struggling, please reach out to a licensed mental health worker in your area.