Breastfeeding Baby: When Dad Feels Left Out
The tiny fingers curled around her mother's chest, the soft cooing filling the room—it's a picturesque scene of maternal bliss. And there you are, the dad… standing awkwardly next to the rocking chair, feeling a pang of something vaguely resembling jealousy.
If you’re a new dad, and this is how you feel—it’s okay! Don't beat yourself up because these feelings are completely normal. The image of the blissful breastfeeding bond can leave plenty of dads feeling like outsiders in their own parenthood journey. But this experience is just one chapter in the story of your connection with your little one. And while the breastfeeding ritual might feel exclusive, bonding beyond the latch can be just as rewarding. As your baby’s father, you play an essential role in your own right.
Now, let's get practical. Feeling left out doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It just means you haven't yet discovered your unique ways to connect with your tiny human. Here are a few tips to get you started:
Skin-to-skin is your superpower
Strip down, cuddle up with your wee baby naked against your chest, and feel the magic. Skin-to-skin contact regulates baby's heartbeat and temperature, lowers stress, and releases hormones that build that intimate connection you’re craving. Plus: baby snuggles while you get to lie down. This one shouldn’t be a tough sell.
Become a singing sensation
Lullabies, rock ballads, your own original melodies—they all work! Singing to your baby can help them feel calm, and can also lead to a stronger social bond. And don’t worry if you’re tone-deaf or can’t carry a tune… babies don’t judge.
Master the art of tummy time
Tummy time is more than just building neck muscles. It's the perfect time to get up close and engage with your baby. Get on the floor, make funny faces, and enjoy the giggles. The close and meaningful eye contact will provide both of you some comfort and connection.
Be the king of bath time
Bath time is a prime time for bonding. Splash, sing, blow bubbles, and turn bath time into a special time of day that both you and your little one look forward to. You'll create photo-worthy memories that you’ll one day cherish, one soapy adventure at a time.
Make diapering a little less stinky
Diaper duty doesn’t have to be another chore that you dread (except for cleaning gigantic blowouts, which we don’t blame you for wanting to avoid). Make this another bonding ritual. Talk to your baby, sing silly songs, and tell them about your day. You’ll get cleanliness and connection, all wrapped up with a nice dollop of diaper cream.
If you’re a dad feeling left out of breastfeeding, you can still be part of the feeding journey
Even though you can't breastfeed, you can still play a vital role in nourishing and comforting your baby. Whether it's offering pumped milk in those quiet night hours, working on your technique for the post-feed burp, or keeping them comfortably upright in a carrier to help with digestion and reflux, you can get off the sidelines and be an active participant in the feeding journey.
Remember, your involvement isn't just about filling gaps while mom breastfeeds. It's about building your own special and irreplaceable relationship with your child.
And finally, always remember that communication is key. Talk to your partner about your feelings. It’s likely that she's feeling overwhelmed by her responsibilities and will welcome as much daddy-baby quality time as you can offer up. Work together to create a schedule or rhythm that allows you both to bond with your baby in your own ways. Remember, you're a team, and you both have an important role to play.
If you and your partner are struggling with the transition to parenthood, you’re not alone. Send us an email and we can chat about how we can help you tackle whatever challenges you’re facing.
*This information is not therapeutic advice and is the opinion of these authors and is not in lieu of mental health support from a licensed clinician in your area. If you are struggling, please reach out to a licensed mental health worker in your area.