Navigating a Sexless Marriage After Baby
There's no doubt that having a baby changes your life, but sometimes your sex life changes too—which can come as an unwelcome surprise to many couples. If you find yourself wondering if it’s normal to have a sexless marriage after having a baby, know that you're not alone. Although it might be a topic that’s often whispered about in hushed voices between close friends, or even avoided altogether, talking about it and finding solutions is important for both your marriage and your well-being.
Why do some couples experience a sexless marriage after a baby?
So, why does it seem like the stork’s arrival comes with a notable decline in bedroom activity along with your bundle of joy? There's no one-size-fits-all answer, but a few common factors can play a role in your sex life taking a nosedive:
Exhaustion: Between round-the-clock feedings, endless loads of laundry, diaper changes, and bouncing your baby to sleep, it’s no wonder that you’re thinking about using your bed for one thing and one thing only—sleep. The sheer exhaustion of life with a newborn can make sex feel more like a chore than a treat.
Body Changes: Pregnancy and childbirth can cause major physical changes to your body. It makes sense that these changes can impact how you feel about intimacy and your sense of self-confidence.
Mood Changes: Many new moms will experience dips in their mood after having a baby, and some will experience postpartum depression and anxiety. Mental health struggles can majorly affect your libido, as can the side effects of medication you may need to manage your condition.
Shifting Priorities: With your world now revolving around this tiny, needy creature who requires your full attention and care 24/7, it's easy for romance to fall by the wayside. The idea of adding more to your plate can quickly feel overwhelming.
Communication Breakdown: When you’re in the throes of new parenthood, communication between partners can often take a hit. Words left unsaid can lead to resentment and misunderstandings, which can lead to a big disconnect in the bedroom.
Tips to deal with intimacy issues after having a kid
A lack of sex after having kids doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you—but you also don’t have to accept it as inevitable. Here are some practical strategies you can try out if you’re looking to reignite the flame amidst the chaos of raising a child:
Prioritize Self-Care: You know the saying “Put your oxygen mask on first?” The same concept applies here, too. Making time for yourself recharges your batteries so you can show up as your best self in your relationship.
Schedule Intimacy: Sure, it might sound awkward or even boring, but scheduling time for intimacy can be the ticket to getting your love life back on track. Put it in your shared calendar, treat it like any other can’t-miss appointment, and stick to it.
Communicate Openly: Have honest conversations about your needs and concerns with your partner. Don't be afraid to express how you’re feeling. Remember to listen to your partner too, with empathy and an open mind.
Get Creative: Who says physical connection has to remain in the bedroom? Explore new ways to be close to one another, whether it's through cozying up together on the couch, sending some flirty texts, or exploring a new hobby together.
Ask for Help: You don’t need to solve your sex life woes all on your own. Whether it's through couples counselling, joining an online parenting group, or seeking advice from your therapist, there are resources available to you and your partner to help you get through this tough time.
If you and your partner are struggling with your relationship after having a baby, you’re not alone. Send us an email to learn more about how we can help
*This information is not therapeutic advice and is the opinion of these authors and is not in lieu of mental health support from a licensed clinician in your area. If you are struggling, please reach out to a licensed mental health worker in your area.