Managing Temper Tantrums: How To Handle Your Toddler’s Big Feelings
Remember back in the day—before you had a kid of your own—and you’d see a small child in the grocery store throwing themselves on the ground, screaming and crying, and you smugly thought to yourself: When I have kids, they will never behave like that.
Oh, to go back to those days of blissful ignorance!
If you’re reading this, chances are you need some help managing temper tantrums. You might even be wondering: are my toddler’s tantrums normal? (Spoiler alert: they absolutely are.) This is an exceptionally tough stage of parenthood, but there are steps you can take to help your little one (and you) handle those big feelings.
Take care of yourself first
When your child is having a meltdown, your initial instinct might be to immediately react and try to diffuse the situation. But you can’t help your kid calm down if you yourself are wound up.
Try some in-the-moment self-regulation with a bit of positive talk. Find a simple mantra that works for you—for example, “I am okay and I can handle this.” Remind yourself that your toddler is acting in a developmentally appropriate way, and this isn’t their fault—they’re just not yet equipped to manage their emotions.
Take some deep breaths and know that this moment will eventually pass.
Be present: show up as a Loving Wall for your kid
Although they may be small in size, the piercing screams of a raging toddler can be enough to shake any parent’s nerves. It’s natural to feel scared or overwhelmed by your kid’s intense emotions, especially if it brings up trauma from your own past.
When managing temper tantrums, try your best not to let your own thoughts and feelings spiral by practicing a bit of mindfulness. Stay present in this hard moment with your little one. Be a “loving wall” that remains solid and supportive.
It’s important that your toddler knows you’re right there with them, providing a safe holding space for their big feelings.
Limit negative behaviours
Allowing your toddler to express their emotions doesn’t mean that you’re giving them a free pass to act however they want to. They need to understand that there are still boundaries that you won’t allow them to cross.
If your tantruming toddler hits you or anyone else, tell them you will not let them hit. We all know that tiny tots can pack a mean punch, so don’t be afraid to use some mild restraint—hold their hand to prevent the hitting, or try a gentle bear hug from behind if they’ll allow it.
Remind them that even though you won’t let them hurt you, you’re still staying with them while they work through their frustration.
Take some time to reflect
Once they’re calm (which can sometimes take a while—sorry, we didn’t say this was easy!), help them process what just took place by responding with empathy. For example, you might say, “Those were some big feelings. I know it’s really hard to be a kid sometimes.” A little validation can go a long way.
Take this time to reflect on what happened and figure out what triggered the meltdown, in the hopes you can prevent the next explosion from taking place. For example, if your toddler was angry because they didn’t want to stop what they were doing to get into the bath, try using timers or visual aids to help with transitions. A small tweak can make a huge difference, and help restore some much-needed peace to your household.
Managing temper tantrums in toddlers is hard. Really, really hard. But with a little self-compassion and a lot of patience, you’ll be able to help your little one navigate those tricky emotions. And if you’re finding this all a bit too challenging or overwhelming, you’re not alone—get in touch to learn how we can support you.
*This information is not therapeutic advice and is the opinion of these authors and is not in lieu of mental health support from a licensed clinician in your area. If you are struggling, please reach out to a licensed mental health worker in your area.